I heard we made out
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
