note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
