yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
