i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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