I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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