Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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