Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
