He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
worst night to have a conscience
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
