Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's shark week go big or go home
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
