watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
