Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
