dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
