Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
