the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
