Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
