I didn't shave. On purpose
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
