Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
