either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
