I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
