no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
