Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
