Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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