Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
