highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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