it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
