i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
