Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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