I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
