Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
