Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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