OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
