In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
