Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
In America we eat man semen.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
