Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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