How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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