Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
