Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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