I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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