i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
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The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
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How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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