His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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