I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
her vagine was all disorganized.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize
