Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
