Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
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It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Boobs speak an international language.
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I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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