Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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