im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
