There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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