I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
