Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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