don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
