I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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