She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
