I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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