Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
