you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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