this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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