i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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