After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
