we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
