There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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