dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
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the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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