my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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