I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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