I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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