phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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