I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
