Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Come back. Shots need mouths.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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