I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
