a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
They should really pass out barf bags in church
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
