Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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