You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
