i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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