I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
