if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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